The non-abusive counterpart to the Bully is the Friend. He can be an example to us all.

THE FRIEND

This is how the Friend behaves

He smiles with his mouth and with his eyes. His eyes are warm and friendly and this is because he is thinking warm and friendly thoughts about us. He is cheerful and pleasant and has a sense of humour. His posture is relaxed and open. His voice is calm and pleasant.

He talks to us and to the children and, even more importantly, he listens. He will engage in discussion and reasoned argument. If he disagrees he will accept our right to hold a different opinion and will not have to win every argument.

He is a companion in that he enjoys shared outings or treats. He is consistent in that he remains more or less the same person. The same person goes out in the morning and comes back in the evening. When he comes into the house he calls out: “Hello. I’m home! How are you?” This is in contrast to the Bully who walks in, ignores everybody and turns on the TV.

The Friend likes women and enjoys our company. He believes we are equal and worthy of respect. He accepts that he can be wrong and can admit it. He dislikes bullies and believes no-one has the right to control another adult human being.